Familiar Faces: The Woody Allen Hierarchy.

Woody Allen's newest feature You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger opens today in movie theaters. It's currently confusing me with its Curse of The Jade Scorpion or The Purple Rose of Cairo -like silhouette poster. With this move the marketing department has made me recall both the worst and the best from Woody Allen's filmography simultaneously. It's very schizo... maybe this means the new feature will be right smack dab in the middle, neither essential nor embarrassing?

American Poster (left), a European treatment (right)

Why couldn't they have gone with the European poster treatment? European posters are always better. It's a law of Hollywood's nature.

To celebrate its release -- I haven't had time to see it yet -- I wanted to revamp an old list I started years ago. When Vicky Cristina Barcelona was cast in 2007, numerous media outlets were making ridiculously inaccurate claims about Scarlett Johansson being Woody's third most consistent muse (talk about A list tunnel vision!). Those inaccuracies of reporting died down as soon as Scarlett missed a movie. But this list I found interesting in the creation nonetheless and I hope you will in the reading. I've attempted a comprehensive list of collaborations but there are bound to be a few mistakes -- particularly in the area of tiny character actor roles so do note any omissions should you spot them in the comments.

For this ranking, I'm counting only the feature films he directed (plus his third of New York Stories and his one telefilm Don't Drink the Water). The actors, male and female, who've logged the most time with the prolific writer/director are...

Woody Players ... Quantitatively Speaking

01 26 Times. Woody Allen himself. Well you do have to direct yourself if you're also acting. It's 27 if you count a film he didn't direct but wrote & starred in: Play it Again, Sam.

02 13 Times. Mia Farrow is the queen. Remarkably and horrifically, despite the plentiful acting nominations earned by Woody Allen films, she's still never been nominated for an Oscar.

Keaton in Sleeper, Love and Death, Annie Hall, Interiors, Manhattan,
Radio Days and Manhattan Murder Mystery

03 7 and 7.5 Times. Diane Keaton is the runner up woman. Her most famous appearance was for her Oscar win as Annie Hall but she returned to the fold rather blissfully as his wife in Manhattan Murder Mystery and proved that the two of them hadn't lost an ounce of their chemistry. One wonders why they haven't tried an eighth time... (or ninth time if you could Play it Again, Sam which Woody did not direct so we gave her a half point there). Fred Melamed, who so recently nailed his supporting role in the Coen Bros' A Serious Man as huggy Sy Ableman, probably looked familiar to you. That's because he's all over the place in the Woody filmography albeit in small roles. And finally, there's Julie Kavner. Her most memorable part was as Woody's co-worker in Hannah and Her Sisters. Yes that's "Marge Simpson" we're talking about.

04 6 Times. Maurice Sonnenberg and Peter Catellotti have roles like "Movie Theater Patron" in Anything Else or "Sound Recordist" in Celebrity. But since they're in six movies each, one assumes they're either spectacular extras or friends with Woody or the casting director.

Stiers in Jade Scorpion; Wiest in Bullets; Shawn in Radio Days

05 5 Times. Dianne Wiest Wiest won both of her very deserved Oscars for Allen pictures (Hannah and Her Sisters & Bullets Over Broadway). If you've ever wondered why actors are so obviously desperate to work with him, consider this: He's guided thespians to 15 nominations with 6 wins among them - one of the best records of all time.) The instantly recognizable Wallace Shawn has also been in a whole handful of Woody film albeit in smaller roles. You may remember him as The Masked Avenger in Radio Days. David Ogden Stiers (of TV's MASH fame) was another regular.

06 4.5 Times. Louise Lasser has appeared in 4 films but she also does voice work in his first film What's Up Tiger Lily (1966) so let's allow for that with this special designation. Same goes for Tony Roberts, who appeared most famously in Annie Hall. His count would be 5 if you allowed for Play it Again, Sam but Woody only wrote that film and didn't direct it, so we'll give him a half credit there.

[clockwise from top left: Lasser in Bananas; Roberts in Annie Hall;
Waterston in September; Judy Davis in Husbands and Wives

07 4 Films. Judy Davis nearly won an Oscar for Husbands and Wives. Sam Waterston also appears in four films. His most significant role is, if I'm remembering correctly, in September but this was notoriously not a happy film, having been reshot and delayed and not causing much of a stir when it opened despite Woody's semi-popularity at the time.

08 3 Films. Scarlett Johansson has the leading role in three of his films, winning the most mileage from their first outing, Match Point. Alan Alda has also worked three characters in the Woody gallery, most notably in Crimes and Misdemeanors. The following actors have also been in three Woodys: Danny Aiello, Philip Bosco (a familiar TV face last seen on Damages), Frances Conroy (all of her roles predate the Six Feet Under career peak), Blythe Danner (Gwynnie's mom!) Julie Halston, Annie Joe Edwards and Camille Saviola and Jack Warden.

Theron in Celebrity; Daniels in Purple Rose; Hemingway in Manhattan; Huston
in Manhattan Murder Mystery; Balaban in Deconstructing Harry; Ullman in
Small Time Crooks; Clarkson in Whatever Works

09 2 Films. I'm sure to forget someone here but well over a dozen actors have done double duty including: Bob Balaban, Ewen Bremner (yes, that's "Spud" from Trainspotting), Josh Brolin, Patricia Clarkson, Lynn Cohen, Jeff Daniels (who deserved an Oscar nomination for The Purple Rose of Cairo), Larry David, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Gregg Edelman, director Nora Ephron (only cameos), Stephanie Farrow, Rupert Frazer, Joanna Gleason, Jessica Harper, Mariel Hemingway (Oscar nominated for Manhattan), Anjelica Huston, Erica Leerhsen, Debra Messing, Gretchen Mol, Zak Orth, Michael Rapaport, Deborah Rush, Marian Seldes, Tina Sloan, Charlize Theron, Michael Tucker, Loretta Tupper and Tracey Ullman.

10 1.5 Films. Christopher Evan Welch, pictured left, Vicky Cristina Barcelona's omniscient narrator, actually appears physically in Whatever Works. (He can currently be seen as "Grant Test" on AMC's new series Rubicon.) Great speaking voice, eh?

∞ 1 Film. Everyone with a SAG card... or thereabouts. Though when you look at people who made very strong impressions in their sole appearance, you do wonder why there wasn't another film. I'm thinking of Martin Landau (Crimes and Misdemeanors - Oscar nom), Elaine May (Small Time Crooks -NSFC Best Supporting Actress) and Goldie Hawn (Everyone Says I Love You) in particular, who all seemed like natural fits in the Woody-verse. Most of the members of the You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger ensemble are newbies save for Brolin and Bremner making their second films. Midnight in Paris, which recently completed shooting, is entirely Allen virgins but for Kathy Bates who was last seen as a prostitute in his experimental black and white picture Shadows and Fog (1991).

Who do you wish he would work with again?
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Links and Other Drugs

I'm so behind on movie news and readings. It will take me a week to catch up. I'm also aware that I need to revamp the Oscar predix this week. Where to even begin? Links.

IndieWire TIFF completes their lineup. I haven't been posting about TIFF much because I'm so depressed I'm not going. Maybe I'll find someone to cover it for me... [hint. hint]
NY Post will The Walking Dead be a hit for AMC? I do wonder how anyone can make the zombie story fresh these days. This looks exactly like all the rest of them, barring the horseback travel. When will entertainment's zombie addiction end?
Coming Soon a big screen adaptation of the app/game Angry Birds? I have now heard everything. This would only work as claymation. Oh god please not glossy CGI for this property.


Nick's Flick Picks His 2009 Honorees continue with Screenplays. Better late than never, especially with the intriguing but concise writeups.
Cinema Blend video of Viggo and Fassbender in costume and makeup for the new David Cronenberg picture. Oooh, can't wait to see them in action together.
Marc Malkin Meet Kurt's Glee boyfriend
PopMatters "like touching the dead" another rave for Ken Russell's The Devils (1971). I really wish they'd put this on DVD. It really is amazing in scope and the world so needs it right now given that the global addiction to religion is more dangerous than ever these days.
The Ausselio Files creative tension on the set of Diane Keaton's HBO project Tilda
Freckle Face The Musical Yes, Julianne Moore's children's book is now a stage musical. They start singing and dancing in early September
We Are Movie Geeks Readers near St. Louis, MO? You might want to check out the Black Expo later this very week. Movie legends Pam Grier (!), Louis Gossett Jr and Mario Van Peebles are all appearing.

<--- Yay. It's P&A. The filmmaker and his only real male muse have reunited. They've started shooting The Skin I'm In (2011). Here they are on a break.

Cinematical offers strange speculation about why Penélope Cruz is not in Pedro Almodóvar's The Skin I'm In which just started shooting. Um... how about, Pedro's just using a different girl this time? He does that sometimes. Nothing in P's filmography suggests she'd be uncomfortable with nudity, sex scenes or anything Pedro would ask of her really.
Moviehole Apparently Joss Whedon is aware that people are worried that there are no women in The Avengers. He assures there will be. Um, extras don't count. If you don't have The Wasp or Scarlet Witch, you have a sausage fest, plain and simple.
The Playlist First look at Uma Thurman in Ceremony. I hope this is a hit for her.
Joblo DeNiro, Norton and Jovovich get their Stone poster. I'm falling asleep.
Dial P for Popcorn more Black Narcissus images.

Please someone tell me they watched Narcissus specifically due to all this cheerleading we're doing. Blogging must not be in vain! Speaking of... Tomorrow's "Best Shot" episode is Bring It On. Are you joining us?

Finally, I saw this short at this tumblr where the author said "oh my little heart!! cute/sad shakes" and there's no saying it better. Unfortunately I can't tell you who said so. If I don't save things immediately on tumblr I never see them again. (I don't understand tumblr at all. So disposable it is!)

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

My favorite part is the 'lint puppy'. I would've teared up if my ducts worked properly. One of the undeniable truths of our modern online world is that it has blown out whole new walls as window. There's just so much creativity from so many folks to discover.
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Monologue: Diane Keaton is Looking For Mr. Goodbar

Monday Monologue

When people think about Diane Keaton in the 70s, there are probably a couple of stray thoughts for The Godfather but 8 times out of 10 they're thinking of Annie Hall (1977). The same year that she entered the cinematic pantheon as that neurotic androgynous fashion plate, she nailed another role: the grade school teacher with a dirty mind in Looking For Mr. Goodbar.


When we first meet Theresa, a professor (Alan Feinstein) is reading her personal paper about "confession" aloud while she fantasizes about having sex with him. Later that evening she's at his apartment grading his papers and he praises her for her understanding of syntax and grammar. Not exactly what she had in mind when she took the T.A. job. Theresa was thinking of something along the lines of T & A.


He asks if she's in pain (she has a bad back), and she responds, "Isn't it obvious?"

"Nothing about you is obvious..." he answers in what might qualify as the most perceptive thing anyone will ever say to Diane Keaton in a movie not directed by Woody Allen.

But what is wrong with Theresa's back? The question annoys her since the professor is holding her when he asks it, but his embrace isn't the carnal one she'd prefer. She backs away from him, and begins to walk around the room.

Polio. When I was six. Left me with a limp til I was eleven. That's when they operated to straighten my spine. Scoliosis they said.

Her monologue is interrupted here with the jarring sound cue of an x-ray flapped on to a light box.

At this point the director Richard Brooks flashes to a younger version of Theresa who interjects in tearful fear, "Papa. Papa." The interruptions continue, though they're visual rather than verbal now. "After that..." Theresa begins, but rather than hearing her explanation (at first) we're seeing a montage of soundless still images of Theresa's childhood: a nightmare of casts, x-rays, shame and misery. Seventies movies were so blissfully experimental with their film grammar, even when they had actresses as riveting as Keaton and could have coasted with unimaginative close-ups.

I came home wearing a plaster cast. They put me on a bed downstairs in the living room where everyone could watch, day and night. For one whole year and two days. They prayed a lot. It was God's will they said.

I never did understand what terrible thing I did, you know, to make God so angry?

What's fascinating about Keaton's performance throughout the scene is the way she's conveying, rather unexpectedly, both the distant physical memory that defined her and a calculated manipulation of her physical present. The memory is emotional but the reciting is equally physical as she paces and pivots. She's constantly recalibrating the space between herself and her potential lover and maybe even bridging the distance between her immobile young self and the sensual adult woman she wants to be. Is she using this story and moment for sympathy (she claims she doesn't want it) or merely buying time to work up her sexual confidence? Possibly both.

The professor tries to interrupt her, but she doesn't let him.

No. No. I hate people feeling sorry.

I'd rather be seduced than comforted.

And with that, purpose vocalized, she's snapped back to the movie's opening scene; Theresa is totally focused on the man before her as an object of carnal pleasure. He chuckles, moving away from her advance and a flicker of self-doubt and confusion crosses her face. But Theresa is not moving through the room anymore. She's planted her feet. She unzips her blouse. Soon enough, mere moments after he zips her back up in half-hearted protest, he's unzipping her again. Keaton punctuates this expertly played scene by placing her hands expectantly on her hips, with some impossible combination of bitchy vixenish triumph and arguably virginal thrill.


He's hers. For the night. Many lovers to follow.

Even if Annie Hall had not existed (god forbid!), you could still make a case for Keaton as 1977's Best Actress. In truth, since we're on the subject, I prefer Diane Keaton's dramatic characters to her comedic ones, Ms. Hall excepted of course. It's that 'la-di-da' persona that stuck, but Keaton is underappreciated as a dramatic force. There's an inimitable erotic fire in her best work, despite a screen persona and physicality that more readily draw attention to neurotic fussiness.

Nothing about her is obvious.
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