50 Appropriate Ways to Celebrate Tilda Swinton.

The fabulous Tilda Swinton is now a half century old young timeless -- old, young... these concepts are too limited when it comes to the greats. But fact: On November 5th, 1960 Tilda Swinton first came into the world. So a tribute is most definitely in order.

50 Appropriate Ways 
to Celebrate Swintonian Greatness

• Be a genius.
• Dye your hair white blonde... or bright red.
• Be colorful.
• Imagine you have deep Scottish roots.
• Create an eccentric personal film festival.
• Attend any film festival near you.
• Have tremendous commitment to your art. 
• Exhibit tremendous loyalty to your friends.
• Watch a Derek Jarman film immediately. (This should have been first. Just pretend you did it first.)

• Stand naked in front of the mirror with your goodies tucked. 
• Say "Same person. No different at all. Just a different sex"
• That's right. Watch ORLANDO (1993) again. It's so good.
• Break the fourth wall with Jimmy Sommerville blasting behind you as soundtrack.
• Clone yourself.
• Enjoy your own company.

• Pretend your children (or niece & nephews) are twins. Call them "Xavier" and "Honor" all day. 
• Invite a friend over and do a crazy photoshoot. You photograph so well! 
• Pose for a talented painter.
• Become a muse for multiple creative types: fashion, film, art, music. Anything!
• Experiment with an open relationship.
• Wear attention-grabbing shoes.

• Be enigmatic. 
• Boss someone who looks like George Clooney around. 
• Befriend Justin Bond. 
• Sweat it out in a bathroom stall or nervously rehearse a speech. 
• Cause trouble for someone who looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. 
• Watch I AM LOVE for IT IS CINEMA...
• ...then have sex outdoors with an Italian or a chef (bonus points for both)
• Invite people over to watch you sleep... for a whole week.

• Do the Laurel & Hardy dance from Way Out West.
• Wear your most avante-garde article of clothing.
• Embrace Female Perversions... whatever that may mean to you.
• Listen to Orbital's "The Box"

• Get real drunk and run your mouth constantly ...maybe wear a creepy black mask while doing so?
• Take a swim and pretend you've crossed the English channel.
• Seduce someone who looks like Ewan McGregor.
• Pretend to hate your cat and him/her "Aslan".

• Offer a young bratty boy some Turkish delight.
• Wear a shapeless baggy black dress to an important event.
• Don't wear makeup just because people expect you to.
• Pretend you've just won an Oscar. (You don't have to pretend that you deserved it. You sure did.) 

• Learn another language. 
• Be cultured. 
• Join the 8½ Foundation.
• Complain to everyone who will listen that Tilda should have won a second Oscar for Julia last year. 
• Remember that art is more important than money. (Only sell out temporarily in short doses... even when the offers come flooding in.)
• Be androgynous.
• And/or appreciate the androgynous in others. 

• "Do not fade. Do not grow old."
• Never lack for imagination.
• Be your own person. There is only one you.

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